missing you

I miss you.

You are halfway around the world. Only just starting your day.

You’re basking in sun and novelty while I am blanketed by night and cold and loneliness.

Do you feel lonely at night too?

I’m still learning how to live without you. This is only just the beginning of the time we will spend apart.

You will move away. Find love. Stop asking me questions.

You want to hold me, keep me, love me.

I can’t give you what you want.

I can’t explain to you that I have become disillusioned. Romance starts as a sunset, brilliant, consuming, beautiful.

The colors shift and change and dance with one another. It’s magnificent. You try to copy it onto your cells.

Then in a soft blink, the colors mute themselves. You try but can’t stop blinking the color away. The vibrancy is slipping, why is it all so grey?

I know this sounds dark.

I really do belive in love.

I believe in the love that comes with lifelong friendship. I believe in growing old together and holding hands and laughing.

I can’t bear the thought of our sunset living out its life before mine ends.

I can’t fathom being myself without you.

We almost broke it. Before you went away.

Can we start over?

Souls don’t find each other very often. Not like this.

I want to go back to the beginning.

Before my life became what it is now

missing you.

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