with the trees

I had a lot of nervous energy today and decided to go for a run.

To be clear, I don’t really ‘run’. I jog until I start to get a little hot and then wander around in running shoes.

I go to the lake by my house almost everyday but never really noticed the tree before. Today it called to me. Today it reached out to shake me until I opened my eyes. I tried to keep walking but there was a strange invisible force field keeping me in place.

I wanted to climb the tree.

No, I needed to climb the tree.

I pulled myself up along its sturdy body. The ground got farther away and it occurred to me that I could probably die if I fell from this height. I didn’t stop. I knew where I was going.

Just a little ways up, I reached a soft swoop in one of the more reliable branches. It was nearly flat and I could sit on it like a bench. A floating bench.

I sat awaiting further instructions but none came. Only a soft, peaceful, feeling in my body. It was as if the tree was whispering don’t worry, everything is going to be ok. 

I sat in the stilllness for a time, vowing to spend more time with the trees.

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girl crush

We only recently became friends.

There is an open ease and a timid unknowing between us.

I love her home. I love the way she lives her life, free of the limits so many carry.

Sometimes I hear uncertainty in her voice and wonder who gave it to her. And why she never gave it back.

She lives a life of pleasure. We eat olives and bread and smelly, creamy cheese. We drink wine from Europe. She refuses to drink American wine.

Even when she is struggling, she eats and drinks well. It’s something she requires, unapologetically. Like going to the dentist or getting a haircut. It’s how she takes care of herself. Through decadent nourishment.

I watch her smile as she takes a sip of wine.

And silently thank her for the permission she gives me to care for myself.